i love ths sooooooo much you cannot imagine it THIS IS AWESOME HOLY COW the rhyme scheme is off in a few lines but i dont give a fuck bc it flows anyway and the rhyming is not even critical to the greatness of this poem. aah i love it love it love it

--
~trendwhore9d my big brother
~legionofmeanies my littl brother
~NotInStock my stock account

chelsie loves this! you know that.. and awesome picture!!! how'd you get it on there?! lol. *wink wink*

--
missing

"It oozes out the feelings
I would never be able to see"

That is so good....

Like blood bleeding sets your free from pain...

oh MAD!!!

Love this FAV


--
Greater is he that lives in me than he that is in the World

Gallery: [link]

Apart of:

~aselclub *Dark-Arts-Asylum ~The-Beauty-Decays ~Infinity-Arts ~Manipulate

Wow....i mean WOW!!!! that has to be by far the best peice i have read all night! fabulous work!

--
Words come so easy
when your world falls apart.
It can be creepy
how depression heals your heart.

Very powerful and emotional piece which to me manages to avoid the pitfalls of cliche. I love it!

Hope that helps some...

Valar.
Prophet of Sunshine.



--
They All Sleep. We Just Dream.

Hmm, let me rippeth at this poem. (you asked for comments) First of all, yeah you had a rhyme scheme but its so amazingly cheesy it makes me cringe and want to go cut myself.

but i gave my razors to my boyfriend so i COULDNT. he got smart and took my saftey pins, paperclips, machanical pencils.. *sighs* oi the bastard.

Sadly I dont think it missed the pitfalls of cliche', i think it landed right in the pile along with millions of other poems, including mine.

takes a brave soul to write about cutting.

(not really, but thats ok)

The first line, the metal hitting you like a ton of bricks. 1) metal and bricks dont relate very well, and 2) its such an overused saying o.O

"But also sets me free
It oozes out the feelings
I would never be able to see"

That is perfect. Because of that i know you HAVE cut. And im sorry... The fact it sets you free is amazing, isnt it? for a few moments you just dont give a shit.. then reality hits. Bites pretty bad... I like the word ooze. its perfect. cause you dont gush blood or anything, it oozes, and the emotions ooze. and dream sludge oozes over your skin.. ooze is much fun. and the other line i enjoyed because it shows truth in that. which lets me know this is a personal piece.

"My head goes down to look
At what I have just done
The shame comes upon me
And I see what has begun"

I dont like that part. Its too wordy. perhaps it is needed, but the line "at what i have just done" seems too bland. Needs to have some spice added somehow. But the line about shame, I love that. Its perfect. Because it shows the contrast from feeling free, to suddenly adding MORE stress through shame. horrible addiction. You shouldnt cut...

The rest of it I found rather nice, I loved the lines and didnt find many flaws, however, this is my favorite line of the entire piece

"Each cut's a line of writing"

You have so much emotion, don't limit yourself to a rhyme scheme. I think this topic, cutting, isnt meant to be with held. Isnt meant to be bound within organized writing....

and thats my comment for you. hope you enjoyed this session of ripithness with brita.


-brita-

--
"There is no greater evil than men's failure to consult and to consider." - Sophocles' Antigone

Nice... i dunno.... it depends who you appeal to but personally i'd prefer a more scarring, cutting wording on this... the oozing doesn't work for me... that's my only crit... otherwise very nice flow to go with the oozy idea...
~Slide

The truth is there... one typo? "cuts" to "cut's" as in cut is... or was it intentional... I know the urge, but you said it yourself, "each line revealing the things I cannot say"... Don't intend to preach, and never to judge... but ever thought maybe if you stopped letting those things out in blood maybe they might be forced to come out in less destructive ways? I hope I didn't cross a line, but from one who's been there... It's a dangerous game.

it is cliche in parts like eclipz says... but the parts that are original rock... like the blood oozing thing. The rhyme scheme does kind of take away from your mood because it is nursery rhymish and while nursery rhymes have been dark in nature (ring around the rosy) your grammar syntax and general style don't really fit the context of one. but all in all, i like.

--
Every time you kill a kitten, God masturbates.

i also forgot... the title is good

--
Every time you kill a kitten, God masturbates.